A Mom's Pressure to Perform
When my oldest son was five, we walked into his kindergarten interview, one of those moments that’s labeled “not a test,” but quietly feels like one. They were observing him, of course… but if I’m honest, it felt like they were observing me. Measuring. Weighing. Deciding what kind of mother I must be based on how my child performed in that room.
And that morning didn’t help.
It was pajama day at daycare, and my son had his heart set on staying in his Christmas onesie...a full Santa Claus suit, in all its red, fleece-lined, slightly-too-warm glory. I tried to convince him otherwise, but he stood his ground. So there I was, walking into this “evaluation” with my five-year-old dressed as Santa in the middle of the school year.
I didn’t laugh. I didn’t take it in. I didn’t see the innocence, the confidence, or even the humor of it.
Instead, I apologized.
Over and over, I explained to the teacher that we do own normal clothes… that I do set boundaries… that this wasn’t a reflection of my parenting. In that moment, I was far more concerned with managing the perception of who I was than embracing the child right in front of me.
And that’s what pressure does.
It shifts our focus. It convinces us that the moment is a performance, that we are being evaluated, that we must prove something...right now. It pulls us out of presence and into self-protection.
Because the truth is, nothing about that moment actually required perfection. It invited presence.
But I missed it. The joy of a five-year-old who felt completely comfortable being himself. The humor of a tiny Santa Claus walking confidently into his future. The beauty of a moment that, in hindsight, says far more about security and individuality than it ever did about failure.
The pressure of performance overtook the pleasure of the moment.
And how often does it do the same to us?
We trade connection for control. We trade presence for perception. We trade joy for judgment.
All because we believe we are being measured.
I can't say that I am cured of performance, but what I do know is that Christ never asks us to perform to earn his approval. Romans 5:8 reminds us that "God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us." We didn't earn His forgiveness, he gave it to us without performance, without it all being put together, simply because of His deep love for us.
How have you seen performance show up in your life recently?
